Saturday, 20 June 2009

Graduation

Probably I wasn’t ready yet for any type of relationship. That’s what makes me feel so guilty within every step that I do with love. Tough I don’t know anything for sure about it, yet I’m scared to have to go trough it for another trial.

I know everybody must had feel that loneliness, and needed of someone to fulfill that emptiness. I currently listen to ‘in the wee hours of the morning’ by Jamie cullum. I remember when I’m being hurt so badly because of someone from the past that leads me into insomnia. I can not think about anything but only him. To know something that hurt so much just to see him in that graduation ceremony.

When somebody said; ‘last year you went with senior, this year you went with junior (me), next year what comes next?’ … I know that it’s shocking that it seemed like he likes to change girls within every year, but yeah I still don’t know.

Because of those words, I don’t know what makes me to make a conclusion that I will stand by him from the start until the end of his thesis. But now, everything has changed. Everything had to fall, and become a past. My mission will never be, because he just made me hate him. So disappointed with this conclusion, tough all I want just to help and comfort him. Despite all that, all I did just to hurt him further more. Was it I the one to be guilty or was it him that the one who done it with every girls? Dear God, I do not know a thing. I still miss him, I still think of him… tough not everyday. I guess I still care so much for him. Maybe this is the best. The best for both of us, for me to not let you control my mind anymore, and for you to give you time and relax to do all your works and thesis. And now we have to move on… until the next graduation, where I can capture you with my lense…

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