chess

I wanted to play chess…
I’ve been playing it since the elementary school, my friends around my neighborhood taught me with it. How to play it, what is the goal. It is not an easy game, as we all know. Even a million times I try to play it in the computer I always lost.
Chess, such a game with strategy. Which one to move, where to, how are you going to reach your goal, what if I fail in the way? My knights always gone by the half of the game. Even worst I always use my queen everywhere, because she can moves everywhere not like the others.
Playing chess just like how to run a strategy in your live. What is your goal? As what is always asked to us when we were little, “what do you want to be, dear?”. A million answer, from the typical, until the oddest one. Did you achieve it now? Or did the path turn away?
What is your strategy? Just like in my thesis. I’ve learned the background first, what is my goal of this? What is the first thing that I have to do? Which one that I should take to move or play? Then step-by-step I read and read and read and do. until I meet the king. CHECK MATE!
What is the strategy in live? What is your strategy? How are you going to play it? … even me, I still don’t know. I still lost within a way. ☺ It’s really odd, since like couple of months last year, I know exactly how to run my life.
The plan is, by 20 I’ll get a job. Then I keep saving. By then I’ll stay in the boarding house, where I can stay on my own, manage everything on my own. Laundry, food, my room… everything. My room will be my house. By doing so I can learn how to grow up, how to be an adult to live on my own so when I was 25 or so, when I’m about to face all of those stuff I can manage. I’m too ashamed living 21 years old still under my parents roof top, whilst any other people by this age living on their own, have a job, and already on their way. So basically my strategy change.
I don’t know how to run my strategy anymore. I know that I don’t want to spend my life in Indonesia; I want to go out here, London perhaps. And start to make a living.
All changed. I was too shocked with my condition back then, so after a while at boarding house I got back home. I’m still jobless and doing my thesis. I’m in my last term of s1, and my first term of my master degree. London still so far away. Philippine nearer.
What I want to be? I always answer a writer since junior high school. Since my friends’ mother read my palm and said, I could be a writer and I said yes, I love to write, stories or poets. But now, I don’t know what I like most about writing. The story? Hmm… again, I’m lost.
My major in high school is language. I love culture and language so much, so I decided to learn it, despite I might done good in any other field. I even enjoy math back then. Then going here, I got here because of my dad. He recommends this college to me. A major communication. Well… it’s do able because I’m in language school, so I guess or at least my mom guess I’m in the right track. I choose mass communication, just like the first time I arrived there. I choose that because I think, it learn about every major it is. Then when I experience it, I learn photography, theatre, media, journalism and all. I’ve become keen in photography, I love it so much despite at the first time I have it, I still blind about how to use it. Then as I learnt, when I capture things with my eyes, and my soul… I feel happy. It becomes the major things that always excite me. Whether it is DSLR or even recorded camera. Things that I see not only with my eyes, but also the feelings in it. Then after my 20th birthday I gone to Malaysia for my 1st job as a photographer for my friends dance festival trip. Then I’ve become a photographer in News club, I’ve learned so much from my senior.
Then it stops.
Theatre, I’ve helped a lot here. I voluntarily become the script re-writer, I also the assistant director, I made and audit the whole print design. So I’m back in writing again, and do a little design.
Then… where am I now?
I’m still lost. What is my strategy? Which one am I now, the knight? Queen? King? Or just regular soldier?
I’m still fancy language and culture. I love art, as I can do anything that I can define my feeling is.
So that must be my guide, because I still want to do all of that stuff. I still want to be a writer; despite my lack ability to write again, and also might be a photographer.
Then what is the strategy, if that is your goal? Hmm… write more, take photos more. *Sigh. No can’t do. I have thesis.
Philippine, a place where I learn how to make a movie. I was happy there. But then I always reminded by, travel or a place is a beautiful place not only because the place is beautiful, but also the people. Is it because of the people there, or is because of movie?
There are so many things I want to capture with my camera, as much as I want to tell story to the world about it. Listen… listen… here is my story…
So what is your strategy?... don’t know, and I’m still blinded by my dreams that I wish to be true. I still want to do things that excite me. Just like my thesis advisor saw me when I was using his camera, I was amazed by it. Even when I used Z1u camera, I immediately choose it, and learn how to master it. As a camera is my passion, seeing things not only with my eyes, but to capture it and show it to others. I want to say the words that doesn’t make any sense and people still like it. For now I want to make movies, tho’ times limit me.
Turns out I’m still losing, and I’m still bad at it. I always rewind the game, start everything from ground o. and this is where I stand right now. Doing things. Still trying to find, that one things that excite me as much as writing and taking pictures.